If I was a horse, they'd shoot me

I write this from an airplane on my way to New York.

At 8 p.m.

A full 12 hours later than I should have been on a plane to New York.

You might ask yourself, "Self, why is Amy 12 hours late for her flight?"

Well, that would be because I am sick. AGAIN.

I am so sick of being sick. I am sick. Jack is sick. I am sure Josh is on his way to being sick. I imagine if we had been in Bloomington, the cats would be sick. Sick, sick, sick.

Perhaps we should institute a Threat Level system, much like the national security one. If that's the case, we're going to have to be like New York and keep it on Orange permanently.

This most recent plague upon our house began as a lonely germ on a plane home from Puerto Rico last week. Lonely germs like to make their homes on me and Jack. This one took up residence, had his buddies help him move in a couch and pre-paid his security deposit along with first and last month's rent.

By Thursday, I felt like I was getting a cold. Jack was inconsolable but a trip to the doctor revealed no ear infections, just a crappyass cold. By Friday, the day we were having 60 people to our house for a holiday party, I was contemplating parking myself in a steamy shower for an entire night and Jack was coughing pathetically.

Hooray for breastfeeding and its ability to restrict one from taking any cold medication of any kind! It makes having a cold such a pleasant experience. With no ability to decongest myself or quell a hacking cough, sleep was fitful.

By yesterday, Jack was fine and I was ready to make out my will. I drank tea in the afternoon and tried to convince myself I would be A-OK to head out for my work trip early this morning. As I hacked up a lung late Sunday night, I laid my sickie head on the couch next to Josh and announced I could not go.

There was no way I could fly with this congestion, not to mention it would require me actually getting out of bed. So I tried to sleep -- ha! -- and by morning, I did feel infinitely better.

I had told work I would not be coming in the morning, but would see how I felt later in the day. SO THEY GAVE AWAY MY HOTEL ROOM. To a fellow employee who didn't want to stay at a different hotel from everyone else.

So now I am heading to her old hotel room, where I will check in and NOT have the fridge I requested to save the milk I need to feed my child.

Thanks. Smooches. Love you too.

I find all of this out on my way to the airport, that is, after waiting 20 minutes in the rain for a cab. And realizing in the cab on the way to the airport that I forgot my wallet at home.

Oh and we're descending now and I am pretty sure my head seriously might explode from the sinus pressure. This was a very, very bad idea.

UPDATE: I was deaf for 20 minutes before I finally cleared my ears. No joke. I could not hear anything.