Say it with me now, N-A-P

I'm sure you are all dying for a sleep update. I mean it's been eons since I talked about the crappy sleeping. I know you're on pins and needles wondering how it's going.

Well, that, and you're also probably wondering how Lance Bass and that dude from "The Amazing Race" hooked up in the first place. Like how does a reality show contestant meet up with a former boy-bander? Are there special Match.com areas for that?

Moving on.

The sleeping has improved minimally. I think it really hasn't changed, but I have, because now I am beaten down and go with the flow. You want to sleep on my bed? Be my guest. Here's some pillows to surround you. Naps on my lap? Super! No really, I don't mind my leg falling asleep. And I have the bladder of steel! You want a two-hour nap at 4 p.m.? Sounds delightful.

So that's how we roll now. Beds and laps. He's sleeping longer and everyone is happy.

I have attempted the crib for naps twice in the last two weeks. Both times he was asleep when I lifted him into the crib and his eyes popped open as one small strand of hair on the back of his head barely brushed the surface of the crib sheet.

He looked around, realized where he was, and yelped. And the yelps turned to crying, which quickly moved into our favorite, screaming. I refuse to listen to this behavior, so both times I took him out and tried to nurse him back to sleep.

And he was having none of that. Nope, he was awake. Smiling. Babbling. Looking around. Trying to sit up. And that ended that for the next two hours.

So to recap what I have learned: if we don't lie down with him during the 15.2 seconds when he deems us worthy of his nap, and stay lying down with him, he will scream his fool head off and not nap at all.

My baby is the boss of me. I am his bitch.