Sweet dreams

I have decided to be a little more in control of the napping in this house.

You see, the 30-minute naps continue with great gusto. Oh yes. It's good times.

His father was in charge of the naps this weekend for three days. He experienced the horror first-hand. He agrees there is no easy answer.

So I have a book proposal. My book will be called, "The Stand-By-Your-Child's-Crib-Holding-the-Pacifier-in-While-He-Screams-and-Pleading-With-Him-to-Just-Stop-Already Sleep Solution."

Or, alternately, "Shitty Sleep Habits, Stupid Child."

In this tome, I will put forth the methods I have employed with exactly no success. All for the low low price of $19.95. Act now and we'll give you a bonus copy of "What To Expect When Your Child Won't Sleep The First Year" absolutely free!

Learn the secrets of:

• Running up to the crib after only 3 minutes of Crying It Out because you can't stand it anymore.


• Balancing a cell phone with a conference call on mute on your shoulder, one hand rubbing the baby's tummy and the other hand holding a pacifier in his mouth.*


• Hearing the faintest whisper of a sigh, signaling a premature wakeup, from across the house.


• Balancing a breastfeeding baby on a boppy pillow in your lap in front of your desk while coding html, exchanging IMs with your boss and sending breaking news e-mails to a large subscriber list.


• Running to your child's room when he wakes at 3:30 a.m. and bringing him in to your bed, defeated, so he will nurse and sleep at the same time.


• Detecting alien messages in the white noise over the monitor.

If you are struggling with sleep problems, follow my plan and I guarantee you more days and nights of the same.

*Bonus coverage of muting/unmuting the call quickly so you can speak, but no one can hear the screaming.