Role reversal

I think that bedrest is hard on a marriage.

I have always been the one who did the shit around the house. I did the laundry, I cleaned the bathroom, I wiped down the counters, I windexed the glass coffee table, I made the dinner and brought it to Josh with a glass of milk.

That's how it worked and I might have made fun of him about him not doing the laundry or not cleaning the table off so I had a place to put his dinner plate, but it was our system.

Josh, on the other hand, did mostly the outside chores and the house stuff. To be sure, he did the vacuuming and the floor cleaning, but he also did the lawnmowing and the deck staining and the fixer-upper stuff.

And now, he has to take it all on. And I know I am "helping" by lying here gestating The Blob and all, but obviously I am not pulling my weight.

We just moved into a house that needs so much work it is ridiculous. There is enough to keep up busy and in the poor house for many, many weekends to come. And Josh is trying to keep everything under control and get the outside of the house ready for winter.

While I, I who can only lie on the couch or the bed and stare at my surroundings, focuses on the interior. And the fact we have studs, not walls, downstairs and that we still have not ordered our kitchen cabinets that take six to eight weeks to simply arrive at our home, not to mention the time it takes to install them and the rest of the kitchen.

In addition to all of this, Josh also has to get all of my meals and snacks, make sure I have water, drive me to doctor's appointments, listen to me freak out about Braxton Hicks contractions, do my laundry, listen to me freak out about cramping, work from home two days each week, listen to me freak out about a preemie baby and generally play the role of bitch.

And it's not that I am ungrateful. I appreciate everything he does very much. But it's still hard because he thinks I lie here telling him what to do. This weekend we had a tiff about house repair priorities. He was hurt I don't acknowledge the tasks he does on the outside of the house and I was hurt he thinks lying in bed all day is easy.

I have a little jealousy. He gets to leave here for two days each week and escape to the apartment in Bloomington and work. His life is normal for those days -- he goes to the office, goes to lunch, hangs out. This past weekend he was in a wedding and he got to escape for two glorious nights. There was fun and drinking and fun. Did I mention the fun? Next week, he will go to San Diego for five nights. And I? Will still be here in bed hoping the baby does not fall out of my goddamn incompetent cervix at 24 weeks gestation.

I am jealous he is going, yes. He gets to have fun and I don't. He might think it’s not fair that I get four months off work and lie around all day. But the grass is always greener, I guess.

I just want it to be over. I want to reach 36 weeks and get my stitches out and walk around in maternity clothes and look cute and get pedicures for my aching feet. I want to go into labor and get my epidural and have a pink, healthy baby who will breathe on his own and go home with us after three days. I want my normal life back.